the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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