my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
