you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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