Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
