Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
