If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
