i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
