i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
