Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
