Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
