3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize