my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
sarcasm needs its own font
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
