I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
