he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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