Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
