I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
