i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
