i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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