my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
