just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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