Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
