I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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