just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
