READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
