It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
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It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
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You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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