She is in my trunk
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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