she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
