well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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