I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.