Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.