My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.