I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?