so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out