my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be