david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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