Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
