what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
