dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
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I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
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He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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