That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
