why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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