We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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