The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Even my vagina gasped.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
