I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
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Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
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I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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