wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
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Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
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New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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