Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
