are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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