You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
