So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
