If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
