I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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