We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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