Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i came on her dog
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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