1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
