i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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