in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
