We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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