he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
