Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I love having hate sex.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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