I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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