I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
