omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
