Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
