i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
