How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
