I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
