Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
