UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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