Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
