Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
