i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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