you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
