I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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