Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The air taste purple.
Randomize
