I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
