did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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