their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
