I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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