Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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