Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
