i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
