Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
