I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
