She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
