So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
