If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
